i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
