Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
