I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
