Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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