so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
