Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
