I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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