I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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