Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
