Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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