I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
