watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
