did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
