oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
