he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
