erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
