I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
