her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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