fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
