the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
