just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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