Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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