i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We need to rekindle our bromance
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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