Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
