I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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