I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
