I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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