Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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