Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
