I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
