wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
