She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
