with your own penis?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
