he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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