exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
