the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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