I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
