Say something about gay babies.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
