Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
