What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
