I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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