During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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