there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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