Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
