I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
