she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
