The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
