pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
