I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
