called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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